A second grade teacher was teaching a science lesson and trying to get the children to think of the word, “magnet.” She hinted, “It starts with an M, has six letters, and picks things up.”

Did you cut the crust off your kids’ sandwiches, or were you in the camp that insisted that crusts were good for them?

 

Half of the kids responded “Mother!” We laugh and shake our heads. Most mothers can identify with that description, even though we try to teach children to pick up after themselves.

In a new tiny booklet called Momisms, (Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2008) the author, Cathy Hamilton includes this line about “picking up” in her list of lines that moms are apt to repeat: “Do you think your clothes are just going to pick themselves up?”

She says this rhetorical question by moms probably got its point across until “Mary Poppins” came out. In that movie, the nursery is magically cleaned up by the effervescent Mary Poppins. Now kids probably think that really can happen.

Last year I got to go to a special Mother’s Day tea with my mother and sister, complete with favorite antique tea cups, at my home congregation in Goshen, Indiana.

During a time of reflection there, one woman recalled the many behind-the-scenes tasks that mothers just do: such as picking chicken off the bone. She said when she grew up and had a recipe which called for cooking a chicken and picking all the meat off, she realized what a chore it was. She sent a card thanking her mother for “picking chicken off the bone.”

Another mother at the tea recalled the hard and tedious work of making homemade applesauce and said she always took it for granted as a child, and barely knew what purchased applesauce was. It was a staple in their household. Deprived are the children who have no idea how much better homemade applesauce tastes versus the store-bought variety. (That said, I confess I no longer make it. Just can’t get it done.)

Did you cut the crust off your kids’ sandwiches, or were you in the camp that insisted that crusts were good for them? Hamilton says this is “probably one of the most hotly debated issues in the field of home economics today … In one camp are the moms who insist that crust is good for you” and that crust will make your hair curly and your teeth white. My mom said it would make my cheeks rosy. “There’s no definitive answer to which group is right. Just don’t ever get them together in the same playgroup,” Hamilton writes.

I share these stories and examples to make a serious point, represented in another new book, Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too by three mothers, Susan Callahan, Anne Nolen and Katrin Schumann (McGraw Hill 2008). It is a serious look at how women should take care of themselves in the interest of being a better mom (and person). The above examples illustrate that no woman or mother is perfect, despite the Mother’s Day cards that drip the syrupy stuff. We all lose our cool, pick up the toys when the kids should do it, spoil them, shout at them and pity ourselves when we’re picking the chicken off the bone at 11 p.m. when we’d really rather be in bed. 

The authors of this book encourage mothers to be a little bit selfish and identify their own needs and also re-evaluate priorities. Women are told that not only do kids need time-outs, parents need time-outs: where they can take a break to restore and replenish their energy and spirit.

Carve out time for yourself, even if it means getting up 15 minutes early or leaning on your husband or a friend to give you a break. It truly makes a difference. Even when there are always clothes or toys to pick up. Perhaps you’ll have the sanity to approach this problem with your spouse or children and say: what I really need for Mother’s Day is for you to take on more of the household responsibilities.